Choosing My Religion
I’ve discovered the meaning of life. And I don’t think it’s 42 as suggested by Douglas Adams’ The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Although, close possibly, if you accept one theory that suggests Adams’ use of 42 was symbolic code derived from the dominant computer programming language of the time, ASCII. In this language 42 is the code for the asterisk (*) which represents a kind of wildcard: ‘a variable input by the end user and not by the computer program’. So, essentially anything and everything that one chooses. But who knows what Adams was thinking.
Okay, so maybe not the universal, absolute meaning of life, but the meaning of my life. And right now, anyhow. And I suspect for sometime to come…probably until my death.
The meaning of my life is this: religion. But not as most of us have conventionally known it to be. And not religiosity or fervour either. I am discovering, creating and divining my own unique Andrew shaped religion. Totally unsuitable for every other Andrew and every other living being alive or yet to be alive.
Now, I know this is not an original thought, nor a radical approach to life. But I am, right now, very close to it, experientially. And it is original and radical for me…and I am guessing for some others too perhaps. It’s something I’ve been working on for the last twenty or so years of my life, sometimes unawarely, and for much longer, completely unconsciously, but still inspired or guided.
This writing and my sharing of it is my manifestation, my prayer, my seeking to integrate important processes. I am continually learning and growing and need reminding of spiritual principles and practices regularly. I do my best to do this. I kind of think I need to tattoo some of these concepts all over my arms and legs, just to keep me in good stead. Anyhow, I know it could potentially seem arrogant, self-indulgent or self-important to soapbox this stuff, and that’s fine. I am becoming more and more comfortable and confident with my whole self – spiritual as well as egoist. Not sharing this stuff seems more egoistic in the negative sense…you know, trying to portray a protected and less exposed version of myself. I think these kinds of ideas are important and worth talking about. I would love it if more of my community would also share their inner life and workings…to normalise it and add to the momentum of a greater spiritual shift in consciousness.
I take in much of what is out there in the world, spiritually, philosophically, etcetera, and spend time and create space to digest it. I attempt to live more and more self-, other- and divine-aware. I seek to know myself and beyond through consciously engaging with and through my suffering and discomfort, my many errors and reversion to reactivity and old stories, as well as through my awe-inspiring experiences, that are many and fairly constant. I keep what fits with this Andrew and leave the rest (but understanding and trusting myself in this way is a seemingly long and ongoing process of discovery). There is no doctrine or dogma or absolute theory of everything that can fit for me. As soon as anyone or anything says ‘This is THE way’, my whole being repels, sometimes after initially being drawn in for a bit or a while. I’m like an essay, I research, take some quotes and concepts from first and secondary sources, chew them over, and then combine them with my own original thoughts and perspective, creating something new. Well, co-creating. And much out there is trash. But when I come across a beautiful idea, my whole being knows it. Again, I am getting better at trusting myself in this way.
The idea for this piece of writing occurred to me after wandering through The Broad art museum in Los Angeles. Particularly drawn to and inspired by some of Andy Warhol’s work in the gallery, I found myself tempted…not unlike Jesus in the wilderness…in the gift shop by the very iconographical Warhol plush banana. As I toed-and-froed, the irony was glaring and made me laugh. That Warhol created much of this type of art as a commentary on consumer culture and mass production didn’t escape me. This contemplation realigned me, and so I froed, leaving the gallery with my ever morphing and transforming integrity intact…and, sure, with a little bit of smug self-righteousness too.
This little experience at The Broad was emblematic of the idea of how we (we, the amorphous dominant culture of humanity) can take the original messages of great minds, teachers and guides and twist them to suit our desire for illusion, avoidance and comfort; or more ignobly, for the purposes of power, greed and control. It is not really anyone’s fault, but a circumstance of our social construction and culture I suppose. Who has the time to spend in conscious contact with self, with the metaphysical and with the spiritual? Well, I am trying – sometimes pretty good at it and more often pretty shoddy.
The radical teachings of awakened beings, such as, and to name but a few that I have learned from – Jesus, Buddha, Krishnamurti, Osho, Ram Dass, Shunryu Suzuki, Richard Rohr – have been, I am sure, continually misinterpreted and misunderstood. I think the message within the message of their words were to follow their way rather than their literal words. For example, Jesus was saying – I choose to believe – to follow him, but to follow him in so far as having direct mystical experience of God ourselves. That we are all capable of, and even responsible for, connecting directly with the divine, in our own unique way. He told the stories of how he went inside to find the way to divinity and to show what could be done with it (often very metaphorically…a language to learn in and of itself), and that we all have the capacity to do this. The second coming of Christ Jesus spoke of is us, I choose to believe: the blueprint is within us, with the potential for Christ like divine greatness. He showed us how he did it. As have countless other awakened and enlightened beings. It is Zen’s teaching of the finger pointing at the moon – by focusing on the finger we miss the moon. This stuff can't be passed on through words, though, but needs to be experienced. That was all that made Jesus et al. exceptional and mystics: direct and personal, untransferable experience.
Osho continually said in his teachings not to do as he does, but to discover directly for ourselves; that he hasn't any answers, but his own direct experience to share. Similarly, Ram Dass and others too. Yet, at the Osho institutes and schools of meditation, that exist today after his death, they employ his teachings literally and seem to have become stunted, static and stale. Osho was original and unique and authentically himself in his teaching and presence, in his time, as were the others mentioned. His followers seem a cliched simulacrum carbon copy that lacks dynamism (see Christianity, Buddhism, Judaism, Islam etc. too). I am invigorated and expanded by Osho’s words, but experience lacklustre, dispiritedness and disengagement from those who have taken his mantle in his name, offering nothing new.
The processes and methods that Jesus et al. passed on to us are nonetheless important. Because they open a door in our heart-mind…which leads to spirit, soul and the divine. They are single door keys, however. It’s like gaining entry to the foyer, and that is all. The rest of the mansion is only accessible and knowable through our own individual discoveries. Just like psychedelics.
Well known psychonaut, Alan Watts, famously proclaimed:
“If you get the message, hang up the phone. For psychedelic drugs are simply instruments, like microscopes, telescopes, and telephones. The biologist does not sit with eye permanently glued to the microscope, he goes away and works on what he has seen.”
Psychedelics have been a welcome, important, powerful and incredibly wondrous door and consciousness opener for me. I feel fortunate that I got to experiment with them at a stage of being relatively more awake and conscious in my life – post drug-destructiveness phases. They are the crowbar this particular soul-person needed to break through. Heroin and other drugs were also important gateway drugs for me, albeit during a completely unconscious phase of my development. At that point in my life, I needed, not a crowbar, but a nuclear bomb to get me through my forcefield of unconsciousness, pain and indoctrination. But as with any drugs or anything so powerful, they are only useful, for me anyhow, as door openers. They are not long term sustainable or growth oriented – whether heroin, psychedelics or any state-sanctioned prescription medication. They cannot facilitate the work that needs my full consciousness, presence and attendance, especially to the hard, murky, prickly parts of me.
And yet psychedelics and religion and all of my ways and meanings of life are only for me and my journey. Others are on their own paths and find their own religions (or not) and meaning that may not in any way resemble mine. Yet, we are still divinely connected and of the one. There are always universal threads that connect and bind, if I choose.
